Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A Bible Lesson

This goes around the Internet occasionally. It is funny, but it also gives one pause when Christian and Muslim fundamentalism come to mind.

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,



Anonymous said...

You may think this is funny and you can post it and enjoy the fun because you live in the US. You can get by with it NOW, but think about moving to a country with another religion than Christian as its dominant religion. Take time to thank God for our blessings and stop taking Him for granted. He will not be mocked. mom2

Georgia Mountain Man said...

Mom2, I posted this, not as a joke, but to make a point. If the Bible is the absolute word of God and not to be questioned no matter what, then why do fundamentalists igonore these verses? The Southern Baptist Convention, for example, has picked out the instructions for women to submit to their husbands and stay out of the workplace, etc. If that is an absolute command, then why not follow these as well? If abortion is murder as prescribed by the Bible, then again why not these? If you think that there are fundamentalist Chrisians out there who wouldn't like to kill gays and lesbians or those who cheat on their spouses, you had better think again. I'm not accusing, I just want people to think a bit. If you feel that there are only certain passages that should be applied, then why not all?

Anonymous said...

You need Bible lessons that require more than this blog has space or my time to respond to and your willingness to place so much blame on your brothers and sisters in Christ does not indicate the love that we should feel for each as followers of Christ. We will spend eternity together, so we should practice loving and living together now. The Bible is our guidebook and we need not seek the world and its culture for our example. mom2

Georgia Mountain Man said...

Well, Mom2, I'm glad to see you write this. After your comments about Obama and his supporters during the runup to the election, I wasn't sure whether you felt that love and were willing to practice loving and living together, and not placeing blame...or is that just for people with whom you agree?

Anonymous said...

Not everyone calling themselves Christians have given their lives to Christ and that is not our call to make, but we need to live our lives in such a way that we do not look just like the lost of the world. There is a way that seems right to man, but will end in eternal destruction. I am not much interested in politics (either party anymore), because I can see that neither has answers without Christ. Politics only causes divisions and is why Christians need to center their hearts and thoughts on Christ. He is coming again! Many are not ready and that is what Christ followers are supposed to be doing. Matt. 28. Mom2

Anonymous said...

Just to set the record straight, I don't believe I have ever been guilty of the name calling and labeling that I have read from the Democrats (I used to be one) for the last eight years. I don't think you will have to listen and read that as much from the non-Obama voters. It has been non-stop for the last eight years with GWB. If you are going to make accusations, at least make sure they are accurate. mom2

Georgia Mountain Man said...

Mom2, so far your Republicans are off to a good name calling start. They have called Obama: "anti-christ," "sinner," "Muslim," "Socialist," "anti-American" etc. They have used his middle name as a quiet slur as well. How many of them have you used?

Anonymous said...

How many names have you used lately with those who disagree with you? mom2

Georgia Mountain Man said...

I asked you first.

Anonymous said...

You are the one with the blog. You are the one making public name calling. Watch yourself first. mom2

Georgia Mountain Man said...

Well, I guess that ends it. I knew you couldn't respond to that one.

Anonymous said...

I am not a name caller. I grew up poor and never felt above anyone. Then, my Christianity has taught me to value others and even if I disagree with them, I do not call names. mom2